11 weeks 5 days
Hopefully, I won’t jinx myself again…. but… the lemon thing sort of worked.. we hope. We’re going to try it again tomorrow and see if we have the same result. But as of this second, Janay is feeling great!
Last night, I got this book from our friend Kelly called Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-Biological Lesbian Moms Tell All. I had no idea how much I needed this book – I cracked it open, a hour flew by and I’d read half the book. Anyone who knows me understands what a feat this is – it generally takes me about 6 months to read a book.
This is the first book I’ve seen that is specifically for me. There are some books out there that are for dads, but they are obviously tailored to men. And I’ve been reading all the “I’m Pregnant” books. This is book is great to hear stories from women in the same position as I am. Like that endless search for a good name to go by.
I often try on names for us that I’ve heard other couples using… Mama J and Mama R… nah. Mama and Baba… doesn’t feel right since my neice Airen used to say “baba” as in “bottle” when she was a baby. Do I go all mavericky and go by Daddy? Our neighbors, a gay couple who have two children have one of the dads going by “Mommy.” Or what about just Ma or Mom? What if I just went by Rebecca?
I don’t want to complicate my kid’s life life by using a name that will just cause confusion in the outside world. Society has well used titles for each relation to the child – variations on mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, etc. We all think we know what each of these titles means, but since our family is slightly different from other families, we are at liberty to change the rules – which is a good thing, but it creates this kind of processing.
Janay and I have talked about going by Mommy and Mama, but our dog Bella knows us both as Mama (either one of us can say “Where’s Mama?” and she’ll try to find the other mama), so it would be a big change for Janay to start going by something else. Is it fair to ask her to change? Mommy is cute on Janay, but just doesn’t feel right at all on me… it almost feels like wearing a dress! Mama seems right, it just fits me and in trying to find my name in all of this, I can’t help but want to have my own special name, some word that when I hear our baby first say it, I know they are calling to ME.
Speaking of the baby… the other night, while we were watching TV, I had my hand on Janay’s belly, and she felt Baby D move! She described the feeling as butterflies, but I could describe it as the baby’s way of saying I LOVE YOU, MAMA!
Filed under: Discoveries | 11 Comments
Tags: identity, morning sickness, names, other mother
I think you should go by what ever is in your heart! And Bella will get used to anything that she has to. Dogs are resilient! I love that the baby is moving already! That is awesome, I sooooo….miss that! Tell Janay to seep up all she can while the baby is doing that. I miss it sooo…much! It brings tears to my eyes to know I will not feel that ever again. :,( Live in the moment as much as you guys can. I feel like I didn’t as much as I could have. I can’t wait to see you guys at the end of the month. Let me know when you will be out! YAY! I am excited.
Thanks, Airen. It’s not Bella I’m worried about – it’s Janay. She likes being called Mama, so I think we may have to draw straws over who gets the title!
LOL, sounds like a plan! You guys will find the names that will work. Plus the baby will also find out what they like too. It will be up to them usually! Good luck, hopefully you will like it!
Love ya guys
Hey Gals ~ Here’s a news flash, most times, the child names the parent (and Grandparent!). I never planned on being “Munka”. LOL
My personal opinion is that when you are out and about with the baby – say, kindergarten, people will call you “Mom” or variations of the word. Imagine having to have a public discussion with someone to which you really don’t want to have a discussion with as to why you’re name is such. Also, once they are in say 2nd grade, children tend to fall into social norms. When I went to Dillon’s school so he could show Daisy (show n’ tell), he introduced me as his Grandma. He’s never called me that before in his life and I could tell he was uneasy introducing me as momentarily he looked at me a little confussed. I say, make it easy and lessen confussion for Baby “D” (incidentally that’s what we call Derrick’s little boy). You’re both women, you’ll both be a Mom.
Of course Baby D will call us whatever he/she wants, but this post is more about what I want to be called. Since I’m not the father, or the biological mother I have the unique opportunity to decide for myself what I want to be called.
For the record, Dereck goes by Little D. We call our baby Baby D because we don’t know what the baby’s name is yet.
Oh, and I forgot….yes, when I first felt my babies move, it felt like a little butterfly, unraveling it’s soft wings and flapping them!! It’s the most amazing feeling in the world and transcending to think that a little human is in there, moving around, and yes, thinking, “I love you Mama!”
Any ideas on the name yet? Also what me and my mom are saying is no matter what you decide the baby will decide your name! Whether or not you want to call yourself something else is totally obviously up to you.
Love ya guys.
Yes, that little fluttery feeling, it’s almost like a muscle spasm (you know those involuntary twitches), and it feels so quivery and wonderful. I’m so excited that Janay is feeling better, and I hate to say this, but maybe it was the need for protein that was making her so damn ill. Now that’s satisfied, she’ll get better. The other thing is that she is going into her second trimester, and that is naturally when the morning sickness is supposed to abate. It sounds like you guys are doing everything you can to make sure the baby is as healthy as possible, and you’re doing a wonderful job. I would like to know too, if you two have selected any names yet. I was going to suggest(but I can’t remember offhand), what about Grandma Miller’s name. So much emphasis has been put on our Odden side of the family, but not the Miller. Also, Rebecca, whatever name you decide you want to be called, to your baby it will mean “love”. Love you!
I don’t think it has to do with protein since she’s be craving and eating chicken for the past two months. I think it’s probably just getting used to eating small meals every couple of hours. When she comes home and goes straight to bed without eating something, her morning sickness tends to be worse.
Last night, she ate hummus and bread before going to sleep, and she woke up like Snow White! No sickness, just a smile on her face and an insatiable appetite! Hopefully she’s entered the “honeymoon” phase of pregnancy – it would be great if she could catch a break from feeling hung-over every morning.
Wow, what a fun thing to think about, but also riddle. Something that fits you seems like the best…
maybe Pa, or Ra? Or Re-re/Rey?
Hey, I just thought about this….usually the first thing a baby says is…”Dada”. It doesn’t really mean anything until a meaning is attached. It’s just their first syllables that they put together.